I should have stolen that copy of Moby Dick. A few times it’s been something for blood pressure or cholesterol. Today’s drug was different. About six minutes after the initial gunshots were fired, officers fires bean bag rounds and rubber bullets at Udofia. I lay down on the couch and closed my eyes. I recalled my whole life, and imagined living another. 2018 Preview SONG TIME Blue Eyes White Dragon. Down the first flight of stairs at the metro. The dumb looks on the faces in the crowd lingered on me for weeks. The officers ordered Udofia to drop the weapon several times but he continued to encroach. Then I did it all again. The show's story is centered around several key staff at the magazine, including Jack Gallo, the owner and publisher, his daughter Maya, a writer for the magazine, s… Finish a fifty-word word search (three seconds). Weeks. “Dude, I got to shoot him, bro,” one of the officers told his partner when Udofia reached the Tahoe’s front bumper. The waiting room had little bookshelf with some used hardcovers on it. Hours attempting to adjust the angle of my ankle, then re-adjusting when it felt wrong. They ran a series of tests on me. “Please do not shoot me, please, please.” My hyper-accelerated mind wasted no time compensating for the lack of sensory input. Days of my dislocated shoulder crying for relief. They dropped a handful of coins and I counted the total value before they hit the ground. I need the bullet to travel the shortest possible distance through my brain before it hits my hippocampus. Most of my life experience has been a snapshot of pain huddled on the floor of a subway platform, with an unchanging view of ankles and advertisements. Even if the drug cleared out of my system in the next two or three hours, this nightmare would seem to last centuries. First gear, clutch in, rev to 4,000 rpms (roughly) and then quickly release clutch and put on break while still giving gas. The pain in my shoulder is nothing compared to the boredom. Or at least less worse. Where ordinary voices were frequency-shifted out of my audio range, smells didn’t seem to be affected. Now, I have done donuts in other cars and trucks before, but never a burn out. I never became nose-blind to the body odor, the stench of the train’s brakes, and mélange of farts and other smells wafting through the metro car. Please shoot me now - Robert Downey Jr rolls eyes. I fell on the stairs. I needed a new plan. I actually got bored just waiting for my hand to reach the spine of the book. ‘Please, do not make me shoot you!’ Video shows fatal police shooting of former Bengals player December 18, 2020 at 6:48 PM EST - Updated December 18 at 6:48 PM I was relieved to be home. The first two books of Churchill’s A History of the English-Speaking Peoples. It wasn’t just the squealing subway train that was three octaves lower than normal. But in my accelerated state, the intense pain seemed to last for half an hour. The man was armed with a weapon and refused to relinquish it even after he was shot several times by officers. I earn extra money by participating in drug trials. They sung to me in languages that never existed. Then they sent me home. I spoke to God. Someone called 911 and reported a “big guy dancing in the middle of the street” and jumping in front of passing cars. Oh And It’s Header Day! $55,000 DEAR GOD! I picked up the book I was reading – One Hundred Years of Solitude – and finished it. The pressure grew, bringing increasing pain, for hour upon hour. They threw cheerios in the air and I caught them with chopsticks. Another hour. Eighteen minutes since I took the Ambien. If I’m lucky, the sensation of the gunshot ripping through my skull will only last a few decades. Iggy Pop, Danny Fields, Dee Dee and Joey Ramone, Malcom McLaren, Jim Carroll, and scores of other famous and infamous punk figures lend their voices to this definitive account of that outrageous, explosive era. Maybe I’ve always ended up the placebo group, but nothing I’ve tested had affected me at all. This morning they told me the drug I took was a psychoactive substance intended to accelerate brain function. Despite turning the pages so quickly that I tore many of them, it seemed like most of the time I spent finishing the book was spent on page turning and not actually reading. That was the message inscribed on the right side of the screen in the opening shot of episode 6 of The Leftovers, titled "Guest. I had read all three magazines in eight minutes. A hundred articles in my news feed read and just three more minutes done. So I can throw myself under it. Make it a head shot. If I’m lucky, the sensation of the gunshot ripping through my skull will only last a few decades. I’m a so-called “healthy subject” who takes experimental drugs to help assess side effects. Time passed. Actually, don’t shoot. “Please! "This is the first time I've asked." The show is set at the office of fictional fashion magazine Blush, comparable to the real-life Vogue. is an American sitcom television series that aired on NBC from March 4, 1997, to November 26, 2003, with a total of 148 half-hour episodes spanning seven seasons. My brain was going at warp ten. I imagined a new universe and brought it to life with my thoughts. Then my problem with time got worse. The ride home was horrible. Despite being awake for what I perceived as days, my physical brain still thought it was 1:25 pm. Voices were gone, shifted below the threshold frequency of my hearing. The boredom is so intense it’s tangible – like a solid object of metal and stone wedged into my skull. The brunet chanted over and over again. I extracted my phone from my pocket. I commanded my foot forwards for hours, then backwards for hours more when it seemed like I would miss the next step. Reminder to commenters: Don't be a grinch! BAM! I had plenty of time to think during that fall. Years of darkness followed. I opened Moby Dick (slowly) and began reading. If just getting on all fours was this difficult, I figured that walking or running was completely out of the question. Once it was a kidney drug. I slogged back to the couch and collapsed onto it in a slow-motion fall that reminded me of the low-gravity hops of astronauts on the moon. Very cool. The dull roar of the street and metro noise ceased, replaced by the most perfect silence I’ve ever experienced. It was only three metro stops, and in real-world time, it only took about thirty-five minutes. Police used 26 pepper ball shots to subdue him then sent a canine in to drag him away from the gun. I spent what seemed like days on that fucking red-line train. minutes) of clearance. How can I even explain the boredom? I need the bullet to travel the shortest possible distance through my brain before it hits my hippocampus. My downwards motion seemed to completely freeze. The officers noticed he was holding the BB gun when he was about 35 feet away and they took cover behind the doors of the Chevy Tahoe police cruiser. The ... Myra explains that Joe became irate and threatened her physically, forcing her to shoot him in self-defense. Here arty,arty,arty Free XP!!!! I’ve spent lifetimes typing and posting this message in the hope that someone will read it and become convinced that my suffering must end. This meant I could use the speed things seemed to fall as a way of judging the effects of the drug. I crawled through the metro tunnel. Am I … Please do not make me shoot you.” Moments later, the officer and his partner opened fire as Udofia collapsed to the ground. Endless tedium waiting the six minutes for the red-line train to arrive. I became God. Savannah is heard sobbing as she is face down on the floor, hands behind her head. If every second seemed like days to me, then each minute of real-world time would be like years. At least I had stuff I could do there. Sprinting down the street, dancing and weaving between pedestrians with, what must have looked to them, superhuman dexterity. It had now been thirty-five minutes since I took the Ambien. The physical tests were fun. Sleep would not come. Last Friday night, a thug shot a woman twice in a robbery turned nightmare. Yesterday started out at around 8:30 AM and ended at 7 PM, no lunch, just going from dealer to dealer. This post is my plan B. Apparently, that’s deep into the superhuman range of thinking speeds. I threw the book across the room in disgust at my situation. I flopped onto the waiting room couch and read a few articles from a copy of Psychology Today that was sitting on the coffee table. Days. No, please kill me. The view of ankles and advertisements never changes. I walked to my bedroom (a slow 45-minute drift through my apartment) and flung myself into bed (lazily falling like a feather onto the mattress). The kids can be seen hitting the ground when they see officers. I settled into a profound despair. Contribute to Atlanta Black Star today and help us share our narratives. A contemporary classic, Please Kill Me is the definitive oral history of the most nihilistic of all pop movements. They made me juggle three balls. A bullet to the temple. An internal police department investigation is underway. Even though I was all-but-frozen in mid-step, controlling my muscles was impossible. It was not immediately clear if mental illness factored into the Nov. 30 incident, but many have speculated online that Udofia was in the midst of a psychological episode. Four more minutes had passed. I’d have to spend a year on the metro platform, waiting to die. Atlanta Black Star is a narrative company. I exhaled for more hours. Two backup officers showed up minutes later and tried to get the BB gun away from Udofia. I did manage to hear a screaming baby on my subway car – her shrieks slowed to sound like whale songs. Please Murder Me is a 1956 American film noir directed by Peter Godfrey, and starring Angela Lansbury and Raymond Burr. I misjudged my speed and rammed into the wall by the elevator button at a pretty good speed. A narrow view of the metro platform – ankles of the commuters near me and an advertisement on the opposite wall. By the time I hit the ground, I had a plan. I spent an hour, in my time frame, descending into the subway and running to the platform. Please Shoot Me. I had basically turned into giant, slow-motion spaz. is a Camp Lazlo fanfiction by The Illustrious Crackpot. Even if my muscles had slowed down, my body would still react to gravity the same way. Handle with care. As awful as this sounds, you’ll be doing me an enormous favor. If I crawl and fall onto the tracks without an oncoming train to crush me, I won’t die. Reminder to all: watch out for a creepy pedo posing as an OT/speech therapist giving fucked-up potty-training advice, and don't sweat it if your post gets 1 or 2 instant downvotes. The police department did not release the names of the four officers involved. Frankly, I hated it. Hours (seemingly) to load each new page, and a fraction of a second to read it. "Please shoot me." We want OP to feel loved, and not in a tough way. I crawled under the turnstyle and onto the escalator. I read a magazine. A celebrity comes to Camp Kidney, and she so happens to be the girl who inspired Edward's beloved doll Veronica and even has her name. Bodycam video made public Monday, Dec. 14, showed the final moments of former NFL player Ekom Udofia’s life. But given the hours of tedium it would take to go get another book off my bookshelf, just sitting on the couch and reading Churchill was better. I crawled a few feet to a concrete bench and curled up next to it, trying to find a position to lessen the pain in my shoulder. Udofia grew up in Scottsdale, Arizona, and was an All-America defensive lineman at Chaparral High School before playing at Stanford University. They gave me a pill at 10:15 and told me to hang out in the waiting room until they called me back for some tests. None of the drugs I had tested so far have ever done anything for me, in the recreational sense. My suffering in that scenario will be endless. Shoot me in the temple, aiming slightly downwards. I was facing what was going to feel like days, or maybe even weeks of being trapped in a slow-motion prison. But in the waiting room, I even fell in slow motion. I would somehow get to the platform and throw myself in front of a train. Instead, it must have had a severe cross-reaction with the experimental drug I took this morning. Please, please do not make me shoot you. I started with Call me Ishmael and got as far as Ahab throwing his pipe into the sea (which was all the way to friggin chapter thirty) before they called me back. the whole week-end with your parents? Someone who will find the man curled under the bench, the man who crawled down the escalator, and kill him as swiftly as possible. Across the landing. He played on several NFL practice squads and had brief stints with the Cincinnati Bengals and New Orleans Saints. They hadn’t called me back when I finished the Psychology Today so I picked up a US News and read it cover-to-cover. It only took a block or two to getting used to having a brain that ran two dozen times faster than my body. The train status sign said the next train wouldn’t arrive for twenty minutes. It hit the wall with a long, faint rumble – the only sound I had head for what seemed like hours – then drifted to the floor like a flip-flop sinking in a swimming pool. The gun later proved to be a BB gun. Impossibly worse. shoot me 110 GIFs. Mercedes Fortune, a police department spokesperson. Solve an intricate maze drawn onto a poster-sized paper (two seconds). The Nov. 30 incident took place about 2 a.m. near the intersection of Indian School Road and 23rd Avenue. Every thought I can think, I have thought hundreds of times already. Report image. When it finally hits me, I will experience the pain of being ripped to pieces for centuries until finally, the light of life leaves my brain, and my experience ends. It was just the first volley of shots. That’s when six more gunshots rang out. "Since when were you suicidal Dame-Tsuna?" Catch up on work emails while you’re still in high-speed mode!”. Drop it.”. It would have taken too long. I crawled off the escalator, enduring days of stupid expressions on the commuters’ faces. Copyright Statement: Unless explicitly stated, all stories published on Creepypasta.com are the property of (and under copyright to) their respective authors, and may not be narrated or performed under any circumstance. You are thinking and perceiving reality at an accelerated pace. It was boring, frankly, waiting for each ball to move through its arc so I could catch it (with my slow-motion hands) and toss it back into the air. Down the stairs (it’s faster than the elevator if you run), through the lobby, out the front door and onto the street. Sort: Relevant Newest # nbc # season 6 # episode 6 # the office # michael # kill me # shoot me # funny # comedy # dead # cbc # schitts creek # shoot me # shoot me # fml # fuck my life # shoot me “How are you feeling?” the research assistant asked me. Whether you’re graduating school, getting engaged, throwing a wedding, celebrating a growing family, I want your personality to shine through your pictures. The escalator spilled the rush-hour crowd onto the platform at the same speed a glacier spills ice into the sea. If I'm In Love, Please Shoot Me (by The Illustrious Crackpot) Chapter 1: There's A New Squirrel In Town "Oh, yes, of course!" Weeks. View a slide show projected at ten images per second and answer detailed questions about what I saw (95% correct). Inescapable. Or at least something to knock me out until it wore off. A lump that blocked my breathing, moving like a slug down my esophagus. 71-Year-Old Black Man Sues South Carolina PD, Alleging He Was Forced to Stand Naked Outside and Held at Gunpoint While Cops Sought Teenage Suspects, San Francisco Mayor Calls Gov. Udofia refused to drop his weapon even after being wounded. I am far older, in spirit, than any human who has ever lived. “It’ll wear off in a few hours,” they said. If you’re armed and at the Glenmont metro, please shoot me. Not exactly a light read. I turned on the television – I clearly saw each frame of video like I was watching a slideshow. Do you have one with hub caps and no radio please? Time passed. Share kindness, support and compassion, not criticism. Police used stun bags and baton rounds and pepper balls to subdue him. What was taking them so damn long? Make it a headshot. These few things felt like a long day at the office. Ten minutes had passed. I sprinted to the metro station. The pain wasn’t at all mitigated by the slowness. It was only 10:23 am. Which is you." Maybe they would have something that could counteract its effects. The massive slowdown on the stairs was just the beginning of the interaction between the experimental drug and the Ambien. They told me I measured over 250 on the Knopf scale. I twisted onto my hands and knees. Death by a headshot, AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, is vastly better than the alternative. Now, I have done donuts in other cars and trucks before, but never a burn out. They were just slow. Even though I could see the wall coming at me, I couldn’t make my finger, outstretched to hit the elevator button, move away fast enough and I jammed it against the wall. A project that spanned decades. Frustrated, I turned the television off. But in my drug-accelerated hyper-time, it felt like days. Then I basically sprint-danced the rest of the way, twisting and juking between people on the sidewalk and dodging moving cars with inches (a.k.a. Weeks of effort were finally rewarded with success – I stabilized on my hands and knees. Prok,please shoot me - posted in The Mess Hall: FTLOG!!!!! I misjudged my rotation and rolled onto my back. I blinked. It felt like I spent four or five hours just descending seven floors, with nothing to look at but the interior of the elevator car. He was described by friends as a “gentle giant” with a kind heart and a “glowing smile,” according to ABC 15. A faint glow. Five shots rang out and Udofia fell to the ground, groaning in pain. The show was created by Steven Levitan, the show's executive producer. When I stood up to walk to the bookshelf it felt like my legs barely worked. I was bounding down the second flight of stairs, moving in slow motion, but still making perceptible progress. Phrases like this are just in our everyday conversations, and no one really thinks twice about … Sonic energy was spread out over time, diluted until it was imperceptible. I pitched forwards, my high-speed mind completely unable to control my low-speed body. I was given general instructions. I was right. What I Do. I decided to try to sleep off the remaining effects of the drug. Then six. I love to capture moments. Sharp sounds like a car horns and trucks bouncing over potholes were low, muddied roars like distant thunder. Udofia, 33, was shot and killed by officers during a Nov. 30 encounter in Phoenix, Arizona. Shoot me." They’re moving in slow motion.”, “Your body seems like it’s moving slowly because your brain is fast. Moments later, the officer and his partner opened fire as Udofia collapsed to the ground. I sluggishly turned my head to look at the wall clock. Everything seems slow because you’re so fast.”, “But my legs. I didn’t even bother locking the door. All sound was slowed to the point of near inaudibility. chirped Squirrel Scout Denmother Jane Doe into her pastel pink telephone, twisting the cord around her fingers as she spoke. I scanned the old books on the shelf and picked out a copy of Moby Dick. My shoulder finally gave out, popping out of its socket with an endless sickening tug. Hours of increasing strain on my bent ankle. My eyes opened with geologic slowness. Craig is also on the scene, … Just reaching one foot in front of me to grab the book took a long time. I read some more. Please don't shoot me, but I have been trying to do a burn out on this car. Someone on this platform right now. The pain was intense. If you’re armed and at the Glenmont metro, please shoot me. My long-shot. I dipped into my pile of yet-to-be-read books and finished two more. I decided to go back to the offices where they gave me the drug. “Come on, don’t make me shoot you again. Hard. Frankly, you’re moving much faster than a normal person,” she pantomimed a jogging motion. After the Ambien took effect, time moved thousands of times slower. In other words, none of the drugs I’ve tested have given me a killer buzz, or mellowed me out, or anything. Fragile. I need the bullet to travel the shortest possible distance through my brain before it hits my hippocampus. “Only about thirty minutes,” the research assistant told me. But now verbal communication with anyone would be impossible. So I wait for the train. Back at the research offices, I could still hear and communicate with the research staff. Shiloh Dynasty] 2. The best GIFs are on GIPHY. My ordeal started over ten thousand years ago, at 10:15 this morning. If my brain had been running at regular speed, it probably only would have hurt for thirty seconds or so. Slow muscles couldn’t explain why gravity seemed weaker. Try to use the residual effects to get some work done. “Actually, it’s the other way around. But your body is still constrained by the laws of biomechanics. This shit worked. Voices spoke to me. The cognitive tests were less fun, but very illuminating. For more helpful information please hit up our beautiful rules wiki!. Sign up to receive The Atlanta Black Star Newsletter in your inbox. Shoot me in the temple, aiming slightly downwards. Hours and hours of increasing weight on my turned ankle turned into hours of increasing pain upon increasing pain. Enjoy the videos and music you love, upload original content, and share it all with friends, family, and the world on YouTube. So I crawled. Please don't shoot me, but I have been trying to do a burn out on this car. The force of gravity hadn’t changed since I took the pill. He later died after being rushed to an area hospital. Although there was more to look at on the metro platform than inside the elevator, it was still intensely boring. Pain flowed into my brain undiluted by the change in my perception of time. The red-line train roared into the station in slow-motion. Three were assigned to the agency’s Cactus Park Precinct — with two, three and 13 years of experience, respectively. I’ll experience even more pain from the four-foot fall, but I’ll most likely be rescued by some do-gooder on the platform and unable to act when the train finally does arrive. Make it a headshot. "Since I was asked that for the 275th time. Credit: Peter Frost David (Wattpad • Twitter • Amazon • Reddit). The caller said he saw Udofia in a convenience store two hours prior and he was behaving normally. If You’re Armed and at the Glenmont Metro, Please Shoot Me, My Father Punished Me When I Talked to Ghosts. A video shared to Twitter shows a large crowd of moms with their hands in the air, singing a lullaby of “hands up, please don’t shoot me” during Monday’s protest: The book slowly pirouetted and spun through the air, like a leaf blowing in a breeze. Patterns and faces and colors came and went in my mind’s eye. But during the predawn incident, the caller said the man appeared to be high on some kind of drug. The other was a canine tactical officer with 21 years under his belt. We publish narratives intentionally and specifically to enlighten and transform the world. It was just my perception of time that had gone wackadoo. I have to admit, this part was almost fun. The ifrst dealer I went into. Then I read an old Scientific American. It’s not that they were weak. “But your brain is running so much faster right now, that even your fast walk seems very slow to you.”. Of passing cars counted the total value before they hit the ground of passing cars keeping six in. 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