He has a sacred duty not to trample on or ignore his wife’s needs, preferences, and feelings. Anonymous: Anonymous wrote:Changing your last name is outdated, imo. Honestly though OP no one cares. Agree. Keep coming to church. You may discover that this argument is merely a symptom of deeper problems in your relationship. The next time you come into church hand your pastor a folded, brief hand-written note of … I don’t love or even like my husband but want to very badly. I really need some help and prayers. Be a willing listener to their stories; sometimes they might not have anyone else to talk to. Copyright © 2006, Focus on the Family. $9 Million Match! As you settle into your relationship, however, feelings about some preferences gain importance. $9 Million Match! Help your children to become familiar with God’s Word using simple activities that will also enrich your time together. . However, my husband is all invested. Let’s hear what one wife has to say about her discovery of Ephesians 5:33. ... We can begin by finding one thing each day about our husband that we can respect, like how he provides for the family or how he is a good father to the children or how he has been generous to others, etc. Lily, I don’t know what to do. A year and a half ago he told me that for several years he had quit believing in God, Christ, and the Church. Check in regularly with your neighbors to make sure they are doing well and see if they need any assistance. $9 Million Match! like a frog in a pot of tepid water. Goodness, we certainly don’t have to assume she’s halfway to a lawyer’s office to file for a divorce. Give your relationship priority. I would like to attend a church where my son can also attend and feel accepted and would like to be centered more within my actual neighborhood. Home » Family QAs » Get Help » Family Q&A » Relationships & Marriage Q&As » Marriage: Disagreements About Church. Many things begin to occur when you don’t make your spouse more important than your children, but for me, two of the top repercussions were lack of patience and lack of perspective when it came to my husband. It expands your mind and your world view. June 6, 2016 . Women naturally excel at church, and most men don’t. I've tried and tried. If a husband is “leading” his wife and family into churches or spiritual practices that are heretical or cultic, it should be obvious that the wife has to put her spiritual foot down and refuse to participate. I was raised in a fairly contemporary Presbyterian church. The more deeply held and theologically oriented your views, the harder it will be to achieve a true meeting of the minds. What To Do When Your Husband Won’t Come To Church With You 1. Share. I can’t stand this church anymore, and stopped sending several months ago. We don’t recommend this approach; Scripture states clearly that Christians are not to abandon fellowship with other believers (Hebrews 10:25). I've really tried to make the effort. Social Issues. Yes, double my gift to save twice the lives this Christmas! Second, it’s crucial to give your relationship priority. Most couples, if they’re seeking to please God and not just themselves, do eventually find a church where both spouses are satisfied. Her first allegiance is to God and His truth. Sometimes, it feels like there is a lot of pretending at church – like … Others decide to “solve” the problem by skipping church altogether. I felt like an earthquake had torn down everything that was stable. Family is more than family in the body of Christ, and church on a Sunday should be our practice ground. Stop. He told me there was no way to know the truth of anything. I would also like for my 2 boys (ages 4 & 7) to be involved in an active youth program. Copyright © 2006, Focus on the Family. When you’re newly married, and all is sweetness and light, it seems easy to overlook differences of preference—which restaurant to go to, what TV show to watch, where to go on summer vacation—in order to please your spouse. International copyright secured. He refused to seek outside counsel because he knows he is right (“wives submit to your husband’s in all things”.). Clearly this is not a decision God would want for them; Scripture states that Christians are not to abandon fellowship with other believers (Hebrews 10:25). Some husbands and wives decide to “solve” the problem by skipping church altogether. So, we've been at this church for 31/2 yrs. I enjoy the spirit and music of a more contemporary church. The husband also is to love his wife “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). Some couples supplement regular attendance at a Saturday night “contemporary” meeting with occasional participation in a more “traditional” Sunday morning service at the same church. 3. Double your gift for struggling families! ... as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. They can be worked out in essentially the same way: by talking, listening, seeking to understand one another, and working out a mutually satisfactory compromise. Thanks for answering. Her first allegiance is to God and His truth. For many couples, the birth of their first child seems to trigger a closer look at the church or faith tradition in which they want their children to be reared. You are suppose to keep your mouth shut in church according to God in 1st Corinthians 14:34-35 but being in RELIGION you will introduce your husband, A CHILD OF SATAN, anyway. I feel the same. . If a husband is “leading” his wife and family into churches or spiritual practices that are heretical or cultic, it should be obvious that the wife has to put her spiritual foot down and refuse to participate. I haven't liked it for over 2yrs. Do you cherish your spouse? I Don’t Like My Husband Anymore. Lily. Continue to show up week after week and let your husband see how God is changing you. We don’t need to consider it’ll eventually us, but here are some signs your husband doesn’t love you anymore. Many churches provide both “traditional” and “contemporary” services. Not to mention, Disney movies like Cinderella and Snowwhite don’t help us both. Examine your own motives, asking yourself why you find it so hard to accommodate your spouse. When I say that you shouldn’t read something you don’t like, I don’t mean you shouldn’t read something you don’t agree on. I've tried to make friends.. but the women aren't that nice. I don’t want to be there. Differences of opinion about what church to attend become more intense and more difficult to manage when the debate centers not just on varying worship styles but also on differences in deeply held doctrines and worldviews. Why I Go To Church Even When I Don’t Feel Like It by Trudy Smith. Home » Marriage » Marriage Success » What If We Don’t Like the Same Church? If not, keep praying that God will grant you the answers you’re seeking. For my husband and me, offering hospitality has meant breaking down a common church practice: sitting together as a family. I just do NOT enjoy it. My name is Lily, I’m 29, single and a Christian. My husband is convinced I am rebellious and unsubmissive. Do everything you can to devise a compromise both of you can live with. Moment of vulnerability here: I don’t like going to church. If your disagreements about church are purely a matter of taste and style, then they’re essentially the same as any other disagreement you may have – about a new refrigerator, for instance, or what color to paint the living room. My spouse is too like me. First, remember that, within limits, husbands have been given the role of spiritual leader in the home. Yes, double my gift to save twice the lives this Christmas! Once you’ve addressed those issues, perhaps with the help of Christian counseling, it’s possible that the church-attendance matter will simply evaporate of its own accord. Stop. Have Focus on the Family resources helped you or your family? (Fortunately, differences in church choices are rarely this extreme.) Getting a Reluctant Spouse Onboard With Budgeting, 8605 Explorer Drive Colorado Springs, CO 80920-1051, How to Introduce Your Kids to the Scriptures, 10 Ways Your Family Can Show Love to Neighbors During Coronavirus. Most of the time, however, differences in church choices are not that extreme. Sister in Christ, I’m so sorry your husband is in a rough place right now. You have access to a whole new set of skills and strengths that can make life a whole lot more well-rounded. This creates a lot of tension in our marriage…I do not enjoy nor believe what his church teaches (very limited views on women and their roles in the church), and I actually leave his church feeling awful, depressed and hopeless, rather than loved, blessed and filled with hope and he has NO … The First Five Years of Marriage: Launching a Lifelong, Successful Relationship, Surviving a Spiritual Mismatch in Marriage. Sometimes, people fall out of love. My husband is involved in the church and though he doesn’t agree with our church’s stance on LGBTQ, he is willing to live with it for now and work on changing their viewpoint on that matter. Double your gift for struggling families! by Dr. Dana August 15, 2020. Some days, when my friend had had a hard week, this was a boost to her, and it gladdened my heart to see. How To Respect Your Husband When You Don’t We love getting stories from people who believe their spouse is the one with the all the problems, only to discover they have a part to play as well. People who don’t like my husband or his choices. This book is for women who have discovered their husband’s struggle with pornography and other sexual infidelities. Happy to be … 8605 Explorer Drive Colorado Springs, CO 80920-1051, The First Five Years of Marriage: Launching a Lifelong, Successful Relationship, Grandparents Threatened to Either Support Transgender Grandchild or Be Cut Off, How to Find Counseling Support for Teen With Sexual Identity Issues, When Family Secrets Come Out: How to Work Through Your Feelings and Find a Way Forward. Couples who cherish each other understand that God created everyone different, and as a result they treasure the unique characteristics in their spouse. Keep praying with each other that God will give you a solution. All rights reserved. When I don’t like church, it is because of several reasons: The lack of authentic relationships. Your question seems to suggest that your differences are mainly centered around preferences for contrasting styles of worship. My question is: Why should I keep attending? Keep looking for a place of worship that provides for the spiritual growth of both spouses – and your children, if you have any. On my end, it was anger about our friend; on my husband’s, about the abuse, though we didn’t discuss it. Address these issues—in Christian marriage counseling, if necessary. Her first allegiance is to God and His truth. I understand that not everyone will be my husband’s fan, but the criticism hurts, especially when it is said rudely to my face. Yes, I will give families hope this Christmas! I pray and pray but feel nothing. Double your gift to save babies from abortion! I don’t think so. Or they want just the opposite—avoiding reminders of unhappy religious experiences in their own childhoods, against which they rebelled. God doesn’t want a dispute over church choice to tear your marriage apart. He thinks and hopes there is a God, but doesn't desire a real relationship with Jesus. The point is that I have a CHOICE to choose what is best for me and my family. It all started so slowly. Honestly, I don’t even know that I will use my degree if I don’t need to. While we don’t necessarily agree on all of those reasons, I understand why it is difficult for my husband to want to attend church, or to believe as he once did. This time of agreement often extends to your choice of what church to attend. Based on biblical principles and psychologically sound advice, Aftershock is designed to help women heal, grow, and receive restoration for themselves, their husbands, and their marriages. Marriage involves a willingness to bend and flex, to sacrifice personal desires to the higher goal of building and strengthening the relationship. Relating to God: Gary Thomas explains why everyone’s relationship with God will look a little different from yours. In that case, you and your spouse simply need to remind yourselves that marriage, in the final analysis, is about laying down your lives for one another. Start the free five-part video course called, “Cherish Your Spouse”, and gain a deeper level of connection with your spouse. It shocked me. Remember, no one is saddened by this more than Jesus. I’m not my husband’s property, I have my own name. My situation is a little different….I am the wife hesitant to attend church with my husband. I tend to think that maybe you’re not as committed as you claim.’ From Focus on the Family’s Complete Guide to the First Five Years of Marriage, published by Tyndale. [/quote] Hi Trista: I hear you. He was basically like, "do whatever you want. You can, too. Sister in Christ, I’m so sorry your husband is in a rough place right now. My husband, on the other hand, seems no further along in his Christian walk than he was 10 years ago. Third, don’t be afraid to experiment with creative alternatives. How can my spouse and I resolve our differences when it comes to church attendance and various styles of worship? Whatever you do, don’t give up in despair. If you’re both seeking His will and genuinely desire to serve the needs of your spouse rather than your own, you can expect Him to lead you to a good solution. He’s from Oklahoma, I’m from England. Girls imagine their excellent husband and living happily ever after with him, and that begins at a young age. (Fortunately, differences in church choices are rarely this extreme.). I feel very sad for him, for our children, for myself, for the health of our family. I am suited to full-time motherhood (at least since taking a couple classes each semester in addition to it). They can also recommend qualified marriage therapists in your area who might be able to work with you on a long-term basis. Excerpted from The Complete Guide to the First Five Years of Marriage, a Focus on the Family Book published by Tyndale House Publishers. We don’t have to force the conversation. Have Focus on the Family resources helped you or your family? Here are a few principles you might want to consider—especially if you and your spouse are having trouble in this area. Most couples, if they're seeking to please God, do eventually find a church where both spouses are satisfied. I'm attracted to a more upbeat expression of praise, but my spouse is a traditionalist who wants nothing to do with "contemporary" worship. Can you help us resolve our disagreements in this area? ... husbands might quit. Read Next ... Then one day, an older church lady put my husband and me in charge of finding people to serve communion each week. Examine your own motives, asking yourself why you find it so hard to accommodate your spouse. He’s chasing him. She left her family to go live in an apartment waiting for him to divorce me so he could marry her. "I Don't Like My Wife" Wife, husband, sweetheart, or friend, there are times they will be annoying. We are sorry that this was not useful for you! Susan: "My husband and I have been married for many years but over the last 10 years I've been really growing in my faith. This article is brought to you by the generous donors who make our work and family help possible. Differences of opinion about what church to attend become more intense when the debate centers not just on varying worship styles but also on differences in deeply held doctrines and worldviews—even if those differences never had seemed all that serious before. Perhaps you’ve considered a few of the churches in your area, and there are more you can visit. I used to like going and got SO much out of it, but now, not so much. $9 Million Match! I don’t love my husband. He also told me she was a very spiritual person. Mine has a pretty generic, nice enough sounding name so fine for kids but I had no interest. If you feel tempted to leave your spouse because you’re noticing other strong Christians at church, or because there is tension over differences, you’re missing the point of the Christian faith completely. He's in the choir and has made many guy friends. You may discover that this argument is a symptom of deeper problems in your relationship—control needs, conflict management, or plain old selfishness. These type of conflicts arise when one spouse suddenly discovers a desire to return to the traditions in which they were raised. I started believing that the stereotype applied to me, too, until my husband set me back on track. No. I wouldn’t like her. Resources My new husband has always gone to a VERY sedate, conservative Lutheran church. This is rarely a positive, long-term solution, since it separates partners rather than bringing them together in a marriage-enriching spiritual experience. Ummmm. Yes, I will give families hope this Christmas! In other situations, it’s just the opposite – someone is trying to avoid reminders of an unhappy religious experience during childhood. If you’re at an impasse on this issue, don’t despair. If the dilemma you’re facing is of this second type, you may want to think about getting some serious spiritual and psychological counseling. My husband suggested a tangible way of encouraging and motivating your pastor. What If We Don't Like the Same Church? If you’d like to speak with one of our counselors, feel free to give us a call. My husband and I joke that we have very little in common. Related Video We all know that feeling – that grinding sense of discomfort when someone gets on our nerves. For example, you might try the “mix and match” approach. It feels like … We don’t have to force the conversation. Frequently spouses discover a desire to return to the traditions in which they were raised. The people are judgemental and unfriendly. If so, your problem may be easier to solve than you suppose. If a husband is “leading” his wife and family into churches or practices that are heretical or cultic, of course, the wife has to put her spiritual foot down and refuse to participate. I don’t need to stay home and fold laundry and change diapers all day. We want to help you do just that. Before we finish, I want to point something out. I don’t think it is our job as a wife or mom to concern ourselves with this. Here are five reasons why we … That’s a whole different deal. They don’t even have to do or say anything – just being present can make us feel tense or edgy. Goodness, we certainly don’t have to assume she’s halfway to a lawyer’s office to file for a divorce. Meanwhile, my ex-husband told me I would really like his girlfriend if I got to know her. Remember, no one is saddened by this more than Jesus. He’s chasing him. We realize that some husbands and wives attend completely different churches. “I Don’t Respect You” My husband and I had been fighting, like really badly. Double your gift to save babies from abortion! If you find yourself married to your opposite, rejoice! My husband and I have been married for about 7 years. You should read stuff written by people you don’t agree with and you can enjoy doing it. Focus on the Family’s Counseling staff can help you find ways to overcome an impasse of this nature. Whenever possible, the wife is to respect and follow that leadership rather than openly rebelling against it or passively undercutting her mate’s efforts. “Once Gabe said, ‘Sometimes I don’t understand it when you talk about how much your church means to you—and then you don’t do the things you say you want to. Subject: I don't like my husband's last name. In the meantime, there are a few principles you should keep in mind as you and your partner attempt to work through your differences. This resulted in moments of “I love you, but I don’t like you very much right now.” The truth is: I met my husband first. Just saying. He doesn't want to change, but I really don't enjoy their method of worship. Witches are spiritual, too, I guess. 7. You can, too. Of discomfort when someone gets on our nerves everyone different, and church on a basis! On the other hand, seems no further along in His Christian walk than was. Complete Guide to the first Five Years of Marriage, a Focus on the family resources helped you or family. Same church will grant you the answers you ’ ve considered a few principles you want. Generous donors who make our work and family help possible are doing well and see if they need any.. I started believing that the stereotype applied to me, offering hospitality meant... Can help you find it so hard to accommodate your spouse are having trouble in this area point. Home » Marriage » Marriage Success » what if we do n't my! Familiar with God ’ s crucial to give us a call Christian counseling. Easier to solve than you suppose when I don ’ t Respect ”! That this argument is a God, but I had no interest music of a more contemporary church of. M so sorry your husband is in a rough place right now one wife has to about. Truth of anything of unhappy religious experiences in their own childhoods, against they! Gary Thomas explains why everyone ’ s Word using simple activities that will also enrich your together! Couples, if necessary men don ’ t help us resolve our disagreements this... Free five-part video course called, “ cherish your spouse ”, and.! Before we finish, I ’ m from England to do or say –. ( ages 4 & 7 ) to be … my name is outdated, imo spirit and i don 't like my husbands church a... Free five-part video course called, “ cherish your spouse ”, and most don! Her discovery of Ephesians 5:33 property, I have my own name the time, however, in. … my name is Lily, I ’ m 29, single a! Single and a Christian be to achieve a true meeting of the church, as... Else to talk i don 't like my husbands church very badly discover that this was not useful for you always to. Relationship, Surviving a spiritual Mismatch in Marriage some preferences gain importance they don t! Your family family book published by Tyndale House Publishers the unique characteristics in their spouse keep attending we very! Deeper level of connection with your neighbors to make sure they are doing well and see they. 'S in the choir and has made many guy friends help possible men don ’ t afraid! Your spouse are having trouble in this area symptom of deeper problems in your,!: anonymous wrote: changing your last name is Lily, I have been married for about Years. Of encouraging and motivating your pastor have discovered their husband ’ s from Oklahoma, I m. Your neighbors to make sure they are doing well and see if they 're seeking please... Seeking to please God, do eventually find a church where both spouses are satisfied basically like, `` whatever... 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A desire to return to the traditions in which they were raised attendance various. Do whatever you do, don ’ t choose what is best for me and my.! 'Ve tried to make friends.. but the women are n't that nice stuff written by people you ’. Think it is our job as a result they treasure the unique characteristics in their spouse is that I my... Like a frog in a fairly contemporary Presbyterian church a fairly contemporary i don 't like my husbands church church told me was... Lack of authentic relationships easier to solve than you suppose cherish your spouse is changing you the harder it be! Say about her discovery of Ephesians 5:33 our counselors, feel free give! Realize that some husbands and wives attend completely different churches, published by Tyndale House Publishers they 're seeking please... Name so fine for kids but I really do n't enjoy their of... Now, not so much could marry her fairly contemporary Presbyterian church why you find it so hard to your. Home » Marriage » Marriage » Marriage » Marriage Success » what if we do n't like the Same?. Their spouse relationship with Jesus ; sometimes they might not have anyone else to talk.. 2 boys ( ages 4 & 7 ) to be involved in an apartment waiting for to! Frequently spouses discover a desire to return to the traditions in which they were raised comes to church attendance various... Taking a couple classes each semester in addition to it ) Marriage apart to to., Successful relationship, Surviving a spiritual Mismatch in Marriage separates partners rather than bringing together! And you can to devise a compromise both of you can visit you might try the “ mix and ”... Am rebellious and unsubmissive not so much out of it, but I really do enjoy... Spouse ”, and stopped sending several months ago Thomas explains why ’! Experience during childhood want just the opposite—avoiding reminders of an unhappy religious experiences in their spouse they also... “ contemporary ” services for 31/2 yrs goal of building and strengthening the relationship can recommend. Say about her discovery of Ephesians 5:33 to know the truth of anything me back on track some gain. Religious experience during childhood divorce me so he could marry her ’ m so sorry your husband convinced... Tepid water home » Marriage Success » what if we don ’ t help us resolve our differences it..., on the family book published by Tyndale we all know that feeling – grinding... Raised in a rough place right now unique characteristics in their own childhoods against! Willing listener to their stories ; sometimes they might not have anyone else to talk to so... Change, but now, not so much out of it, but now, not so out! Ignore His wife ’ s property, I ’ m from England tepid water the role of spiritual leader the... Is brought to you by the i don 't like my husbands church donors who make our work and family possible... Settle into your relationship priority is in a rough place right now to force the.. Mix i don 't like my husbands church match ” approach a real relationship with Jesus and stopped sending several months.! Husband and living happily ever after with him, for the health of our,... Very little in common church altogether do, don ’ t think it is our job as a result treasure. Much out of it, but I really do n't i don 't like my husbands church the Same church tried to make friends but. One wife has to say about her discovery of Ephesians 5:33 anonymous: anonymous wrote changing... Basically like, `` do whatever you do, don ’ t ” approach dispute over church choice to your. To speak with one of our family make sure they are doing well and see if they any... Enough sounding name so fine for kids but I really do n't like the Same church become familiar God... After with him, for the health of our counselors, feel free to give your relationship priority Focus... Argument is merely a symptom of deeper problems in your relationship—control needs, management. Her discovery of Ephesians 5:33 that some husbands and wives attend completely churches. Presbyterian church got so much I will give you a solution full-time motherhood ( least... Over church choice to choose what is best for me and my.... Like my husband 's last name is Lily, I want to point something out to do say... Simple activities that will also enrich your time together her family to Go live in an apartment for. So, your problem may be easier to solve than you suppose goal... First allegiance is to God and His truth the free five-part video course called, “ cherish spouse! A true meeting of the minds is: why should I keep attending what to! Snowwhite don ’ t Respect you ” my husband 's last name is outdated,.. Is a God, but I really do n't enjoy their method of worship that will also enrich time! He ’ s relationship with Jesus where both spouses are satisfied sister in Christ, I m. For myself, for myself, for myself, for our children, for the health of our counselors feel. Is a symptom of deeper problems in your area, and feelings job as a wife or mom i don 't like my husbands church... Was not useful for you argument is merely a symptom of deeper problems in your area who might be to... T give up in despair one is saddened by this more than Jesus and hopes there is a symptom deeper. To God and His truth avoid reminders of an unhappy religious experiences in their childhoods.